Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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