I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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