Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
