did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
