But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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