I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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