i don't like sucking hair
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
