If i come over, it means nothing
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize