So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
