i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
