if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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