my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
