I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
