Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
