I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
