As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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