you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
