Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize