She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it hurts more in the daytime
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
