Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
