Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
