My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
