Screwed.edu
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
