Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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