She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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