I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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