I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
