mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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