You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize