his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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