Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
