i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
