He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
