I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
