This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no you cant smoke seaweed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
