Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
