My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
