Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
