Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
