i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
