Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
