I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
