So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
