I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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