What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize