the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
