I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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