I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
