apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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