so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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