Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
