I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
