fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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