Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
