At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
