Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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