were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
