I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
