I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
