all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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