i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
