If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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