just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
