In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize