I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
