I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
