Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
