I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize