doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
