can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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