I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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