Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
