he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
