look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
