Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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