I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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