and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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