i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
