i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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