HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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